That moment she lays her eyes on a miracle, holding
her ever so gently between her arms, with no distance between them, holding her
so closely to her chest, as she lays in the hospital bed, what a
beautiful creature … A new born baby.
A mother’s love is like no other, that moment
when she has her baby by her side she knows she will do whatever it takes in
the world to make sure to protect her and create a beautiful world for her to
live in, making sure that she won’t get hurt by the slightest thing.
Getting some sleep as her little girl finally
decides to rest in her little pink bed, she’s awakened by the sound of her baby
crying, that sound is the most hurtful sound she could hear in her life, seeing
her baby cry her heart crushes with every sound, She stays up hours holding her
little baby girl till she falls asleep in her arms, so close to her, so close
that with every breath she takes the smell of her daughter comes though into
her lungs, as its inhaled , it fills her body and soul with happiness and love.
With every breath she is drawn closer and closer to her. Her daughter is now
her everything
As her little baby grows, her mummy is with her
every step of the way always holding her arms around her just in case she falls
just in case she loses her balance, keeping her little girl from pain.
As the girl grows up her mother becomes her best
friend, dressing her up, making sure she’s always smiling and laughing, dancing
together, acting silly and watching cartoons together, Mama also becomes her
teacher, teaching her to draw, play games, studying with her, making sure she’s
up to date with her classmates, teaching her how to clean up her toys, showing
her how fun and amazing life really is!
Growing and growing, her baby girl is no longer
little, placing her on her lap isn’t quite as easy as it was years ago, now she
can only sit beside mummy, and as years pass by, the distance between them
seems to increase.
All grown up, the mother realizes that her little
girl is no longer under her arms like before, she isn’t always around, and she
now has new “best friends” in her life, and the more she meets new people, the
more mama seems to fade away.
Sitting alone, she thinks to herself how fast time
flew by! It was only yesterday the nurse had given her her baby for the
first time, with its little eyes still close. The thought of her baby girl
makes her smile. Those times they had together for all those years are in her
deepest memory and now… she sits… without her best friend.
As I write this post, my eyes are filled with
tears, realizing how fast time flew by, and now as a 19 year old girl, I think
of all the memories I’ve had with my mum, and how I miss being so little that I
could sleep beside her in her arms, and being so light that I could sit on her
lap placing my head on her chest as she speaks to me in her beautiful soft
voice.
If you are reading this right now, whether
you are a girl or a boy, woman or man, know how special you are to have someone
love you so much, care for you, and would give you everything in the world
without getting anything in return, know that as you grow more and more she’s
getting older and older so think about how blessed you are and most importantly
remember that no matter what you will always be
Mama’s Little Baby.
She raised me as though I were her child, she’d
raise me like no other and on Fridays she’d cook my favourite food, because she
knew I’ll be coming to visit, after all the food she made all I said was thank
you, I didn’t hug her, or kiss her, I just said thank you!
And know she’s gone, and O how much I’d love to
relive those days when she was just steps away, O how I miss the way she hugged
me, and the way she played with my hair, when she told me stories, numerous
stories that had morals, she taught me to never lie, and always be happy, she
was my role model
I remember her house perfectly, I remember the way
she used to cook, and how she had a Quran on the table, she would be memorising
the verses and cooking at the same time, those verses were like her special
ingredient to the food.
I remember the last few months she was in hospital
I’d wake up early in the morning and me and my mum would drive there, I still
remember the smell of the hospital, I remember that big room with its white
walls, there were about 12 patients including her in the room, 6 of them were
lined after the other and the other 6 were opposite them, she was on the 3rd
bed to the right.
I could see her smiling as she saw me walk in. I
would run straight to her give her a big hug and sit beside her, holding her
soft hands, as she spoke about her day and what the doctors had told her.
Looking straight at her my eyes were full of tears, I didn’t want to cry in
front of her because if she saw me she would know the reason why.
Time would fly by as we spent the day together, and
when night came I would kiss her goodbye, and she would kiss my forehead and
say: "come back tomorrow”, I skipped beside my mum as we walked back
to the car, day by day I’d see nurses spreading new sheets on beds and new
pillows, as previous patients passed away.
It was the end of my holiday, I said my last
goodbyes, I kissed her and hugged her so much, because I didn’t know if I’d be
seeing her again, I would cry and cry, I was scared, I was worried if this was
my last goodbye.
As I walk out of the doors I’d look back at her and
she would be smiling at me with tears in her eyes, we both knew that that
moment could be the last
And now here I am 2012, three years after her
death, with lots of regret, regret that I couldn’t visit her because I had
school
Regret that I didn’t call her a lot; regret
that I couldn't tell her my final goodbye on the phone.
It’s hard for me to be writing this post now, with
tears in my eyes, and regret that is killing me.
But now all I can do is smile, smile to the friends
and families I have left. With this regret I show more love to my family and
friends, with this regret I appreciate their existance in my life, with this
regret I know how blessed I am for everything else I have.
- I love you Ata and I miss you RIP 1948-2009
If I could reach out to all the people in this
world, I'd want to show them the true meaning of life, I’d teach them how to
respect each other and how to stand side by side shoulder to shoulder, the way
its performed in prayer.
I don’t think I could reach out to all the people
in the world but I know that if only one person gets my message I’d be grateful
because he or she may pass it on.
There are many questions in my mind, and so I’ll
ask these questions as I go along, I hope someone could answer them, if they
aren’t asking the same questions, my first questions is why is it that we fight
against each other on the streets as though we aren’t from the same
blood? Why aren’t we taught about our religion, yes religion! Why is it
that when someone says the word religion a person exploding themselves comes to
mind? Why, why is it that long ago religion used to be the guidance of the
peoples lives, and now people seem to run away and walk towards nothing! They
pay more attention to cars and clothes, and who’s wearing which brand, and the
most respected person is the one who’s wearing the most expensive clothes from
top to bottom, what happened to this world? What happened to the times when men
looked down in the presence of a woman? What happened to the times when men
would plan to meet in a certain mosque to pray as a jama3a (group) rather than
some café to smoke? What happened to the days when a man’s jewel was his wife
and only his wife? What happened to the days when woman would show respect in
the presence of a man rather than trying to get their attention? What’s
happening to us? Aren’t we all the daughters and sons of Adam? Doesn’t that
make us family?
We still have time. Time to stop what we are doing
and drop our guns for the sake of that day the day when we will all be
questioned of what we’ve done in this dunya (life), tell me… what will you
say? Are you going to say I helped feed the needy? Or are you going to
say I brought an expensive car and so and so was jealous of me while I ignored
the little boy holding chewing gum begging me for 250 dinars near my
window?
How old were you when you started wearing the headscarf/hijab?
I
wore the headscarf from the age of 13.
What made you want to wear the headscarf/hijab?
I
was living in Dubai at that time and I was attending an Islamic school (School
of Creative Science). We wore a navy abaya and a navy hijab, which was the
uniform. So it was mandatory to wear the hijab to school everyday. Seeing all
these girls wearing it, it motivated me into wearing it too. When we would go
out to the malls I felt left out because they were all wearing the scarf,
except me. At that time I was very religious, I would walk to the mosque and
pray there, I would memories the Holy Quran and teach little children every
Fridays about Islam and translated some of the shorter verses from the Quran.
Having been so close to God, I wanted to wear the scarf to keep me from
following my religion, making God proud and my parents too. And of course it
made me happy & proud to do something so big for the sake of that day where
I’ll be questioned on my life back on earth.
Do you think the Hijab changed you? Do you believe that it
helped you growing up?
Wearing
the hijab turned me into a better person because wearing it is my way of
showing the people around me that I’m a Muslim. I had to play the role of a
true Muslimah by my clothing, my actions, my personality and the way I spoke.
Hijab has certainly helped me grow up to become the person I am today, it has
always reminded me of my religion and my God when I’m lost.
How did your parents feel about you wearing the headscarf/hijab?
My
parents supported me all the way they never pressured me into wearing it.
Instead they were waiting for me to truly want to wear the hijab. When I moved
to Kurdistan, my religion faded year by year I moved to a mixed school
surrounded by people who didn’t have much faith as my classmates in Dubai. I
got influenced in Kurdistan, it wasn’t easy for me to stick to my religion with
so many people who lacked that relationship with God. My parents knew how hard
is was for me to be in this new atmosphere so they never pressured me to wear
the scarf permanently they didn’t want me to feel like I was being pressured by
God and by them. I still wore my hijab outside the house. I stuck to my scarf
even though certain people pressured me. There was a time when my hijab was
pulled from my head I have never told anyone except my family, but I want
people to know my story. My parents allowed me to take my scarf off in some
events because the people there weren’t as religious and I was being bullied of
what was on my head, and also because I was still young. I love my parents, I
love them so much for letting me do as I wished, not forcing me to keep my
hijab on when it was so hard to do so. Because of that I am who I am today, I
can now proudly say that I am a true mu7ajaba, a true Muslimah who prays and
sits daily to speak to God to ask for his forgiveness and to thank him for his
blessings.
Are you proud of your hijab?
I
am very proud of my hijab, I am very proud that I stayed strong and didn’t take
off my hijab permenently growing up in a society which took me away from my
religion and away from God due to my instability of being a teenager. I am now
proud to look at myself in the mirror and finally see a strong independent
Muslim girl, who could never think of taking her hijab off, a girl who brings
happiness to people’s lives, a girl who does so much for people without them
knowing. My life now is just between me and my God. My goal is to make him
proud in order to go to heaven (inshalla with all of you reading this) and to
make my parents and brother proud of me because if they’re proud then my life
is complete.
